1.Digest the task.
To make the usual extraordinary, or the extraordinary usual.
The possible answers to the most intriguing concerns of the human psyche may be hidden behind our daily routines.
To make an alchemist-like transformation of the everyday as the raw material. A 180 degree swift.
Change the essence, change the meaning. Transubstantiation placed in the modern life rituals.
2.Upcoming topics after. First Lecture.
-The randomness of giving casual objects a religious connotation. The idea of transubstantiation in christian beliefs. How to duplicate the cross with random materials and how do they acquire a religious weight.
-The blasphemy of making religious connotations with trashy materials.
-"Approaches to what?" increased my interest on the subconscious actings that lead an important part of our daily actions.
-The concise study of small attitudes toward the understanding of people´s personalities.
3.Reflections on "Approaches to what".
“What´s needed perhaps is finally to be found in our own anthropology, not exotic, but endonic”
There are moments of extreme tension in terms of existential questioning. Sometimes humans would like to know the answer of such important questions as: what is the purpose of life? What is transcendence? , What defines me as a human being?
And , with a sense of funny contradiction, the responses come to our minds in the less expected, less important moments. Have you ever felt that a walk through the park helped you clear out your mind? Haven´t you found witty solution to personal problems while taking a shower?
In the lecture of “Approaches to What?”, the author uses Sherlock Holmes as an example of how it is possible to figure out complex problems by the mere observation of little human behaviors. The writing raises the question of the endonic point of view of behaviour: What is within us or grown in us that is so important to be aware of? What can I infer by the way someone takes his mug? What is the difference in personalities between someone who uses cutlery to eat pizza than someone who doesn´t? I am a firm believer that the mind is able to carry essential behaviours to the field of the subconscious, as the conscious mind is concerned with more important tasks. But, by actually becoming aware of such “non important” traits of our personality, humans could find out a lot of information of the kind of people they are, and hopefully, of the actions that can be taken to improve their wellbeing.
On my first visit to the psychologist , my mother told me not to crack my fingers. She mentioned that my behaviour could mislead the doctor to think I had an anxiety problem. It results that I actually had that problem. To be honest with oneself´s emotion has a relieving power, and conveys responsibility.
4.The ennui.
The everydayness is seen as a space full of failures to become marvellous. It is also boring ,as it is programmed. What is going to happen is always predictable. The lecture makes me question what could I witness with such marvelousness that I can get out of apathy.
The lecture also claims bored people as somehow more sensitive to the new ways of thinking. In Madame Bovary, those who are bored have the signs of an emerging social critique. In this scenario, boredom comes from the creation and mainteinance of “unfunfilled desires and unnamed anxieties”. The "ennui" is an umbearable space of reflection and extra sensibility towards the usual. It is possible that those who TURN the subconscious into the conscious may be able to have a better understanding of the consequences of enclosing these forbidden "desires".
A we adopt this extra sensibility, it is possible to make inferences on people´s personalities only by looking at the treatment of their nails, how often they crack their handbones, how hard they scratch their arms. Is the subconscious leading these acts without the concious mind noticing it ?
I will experiment with the hypothesis of my conscious mind ignoring the social conventions. In these field, that can be seen as intimate, what would I do? Scratch my ass and ignore health rules. Paint my nails and ignore the gender roles.
I feel the need to know why people act how they act. To be actually aware of the reasons of our behaviors .
5.First talk with Annelore on subconscious behaviors.
I introduced to my tutor the work I´ve done with the idea of making common objects religious ones. I also showed my interest on the small routines of old times, like cross-referencing. My intention was to show how little people now care about the proper performance of it, how it became something mechanical.
She showed some interest on me developing more the idea of how those mechanicals behavior are translated to the modern era to our relation with technology. As the electronic devices are small and the way we use them are repetitive, we have developed very similar ways of clicking, scrolling, showing to other person, etc.
And, referring to "Approaches to what?", what can we learn from our human nature by actually comprehending these small behaviors?
6. Possible topics on the subconscious mind.
- How does social conventions makes the mind repress desired actions? and , How does the mind deals with that opression?
- What can I infer from people´s nail treatment?
- "Don´t crack your fingers or the psychiatrist may think you have anxiety issues".
- "Eating your nails makes you a gross person".
- "Painting your nails makes you look terrible, you look so masculine".
7. Hito Teyerl´s "How not to be seen". Inspirational resource.
Virtual surreality . Realistic images that keep a touch of fakeness.
The uncovering of the everyday process happens when the artist "uncovers" the mechanism of virtual reality. The way things work electronically are like subconscious behaviors, we depend on them so much, although we barely know how they work or if they even exist.
On the technical side, I am interesteb by how the artist creates a pholosopical proposal turned into a visual message. For this purpose she uses a plain, literal narrative. What is mentioned is literally shown on the shot, as straightforward as an educational video.
I came with the idea of working both with video and also physical elements that , eventually, may support the meaning of the whole piece. I know it sounds vague.
Possible topics:
- We are so used to perceive the world in pictures, and these being framed make our perception of the world unaccurate. Our eyes don´t see the world in a square, but more as an oval.
-Contemporary behavior: The need ot making all pictures look geometrical , even when they are not. Life seen as extremely edited. The need of shaping the natural landscapes to the squared size is a modern subconscious behavior.
8.Thoughts after Borreman´s research
The psyche as a character on stage.
Unnerving.
"Somehow, the atmosphere here manages to be gentle and sinister [...] is a desire to paint psychic states, a reality full of fault-lines and disjunctions. [...]"They are better when their strangeness is understated. Most of his painted figures are in themselves expressionless, as much as they might also be characterless"(https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2005/may/03/1)
Characterless.
To get rid of the human side of the human I portray.
Inexpressiveness.
There is a task to be done, but the action and the need of making it happen seems to be purposeless.
10.Out of context. Reflections after performance experiments.
My next step of research was made on the making. I made two small experiments to show on a public space my private behaviors. The purpose was for me to feel how would people react to me in such an intimate and vulnerable position.
My first experiment was to have breakfast on a busy street close to my place. I grabbed a chair and my meals and started eating on the street. I tried to relax and just enjoy my food, I tried to behave the same way I do when I´m alone. I asked a friend to record me from the distance. I only payed attention to those people who interacted with me, as I didn´t take an active role.There were only two relevant reactions A friendly man asked my what was I doing as he passed by in his car. After, a peasant passed by walking, and stared at me for a while after he got a bit further away.
After the experiment was done I realized it may have been quite unsafe for the driver´s safety, as I may have distracted them. Fortunately there were no incidents, but I must be more careful next time. To a large extent people didn´t mind to see me.
My second experiment was to paint my nails on my classroom. I was recording myself, and I took my time and pacience to paint them properly. I was not expecting any sort of relevant reaction, as the public were my classmates and the act wasn´t unusual at all in that context. However I did received an interesting approach. A classmate was concerned of my masculine look being contrasted by my nai polish. He considered it to be a contradiction and it looked ugly on his point of view.
This reaction was quite productive. I saw the video later on and realized that my behavior changed rapidly once I got unapproved. I stopped painting my nails, my voice became less strong and I even kept my hands unmovable.
As I was also keen to experiment on how our behaviors adapt to the situations without our conscious mind to notice it at the moment. I liked the idea that, even without sound the mere expression of my mind captured my reaction to my classmate: first self defense, and then the coming back of the confidence on my activity.
I am definitely working with hand gestures.
9.Shaping on Alan´s talk.
I presented to the tutor the development of the project.
First the idea of relics and the gratuituousness of giving any object a religious connotation by simply shaping them in a cross. I explained to Alan that the idea of religion came as the most immediate one after the concept of transubstantiation. Everydayness acquiring a sense of holiness by the mere ordering of some spoons and a proper photography.
Later on I decided to jump to the previous ideas of the subconsciousness. To bring the unperceived behaviors to a public scope. To act as sensitive of the subconscious as possible. I had breakfast on the middle of a busy street.
10. Reflections on the making.
I decided to focus on both breathing and hand gestures as the main themes.
My purpose is to create a non-narrative sequence of images that function in metaphorical ways to express a sense of strangeness based on natural objects and acts.
Sounds will work accordingly to the image. I want them to feel unperfect and eerie. I will mainly work with agitated breathings and a pliano play I recorded in a lower quality.
On the editing I realized I wanted to have a more direct reference to the almost mechanical method of cross referencing. I used the explanation of a profesional reverend. I also used short sounds of gunshots to mark a sort of transicion between the different sets.
I took a direct inspiration on James Richards´ Radio at night (2015), as I decided to use a slow slide transicion in certain scenes. This was an attempt to experiment with broader more aesthetic ways of editing .
On the making of the hand scenes I made a lot of experimentation. I used repetitive gestures, as well as slower, more sensual ones. The purpose was to create an atmosphere of intimacy, a physical field that could feel like a subconscious refuge. I touched my hands with fear, with desire and anger.
11. Outcomes after class crit.
I presented my video in my computer and tablet, putting emphasis on the audience to look at it with headphones. The presentation itself was minimal, the focus was mainly on people experiencing the video personally.
The crits of my classmates were quite helpful.
Many of them agreed that the video did created a sense of uneasiness based on the lack of direct explanation and justification on the different scenes. They also agreed that the sound supported the image appropiately. The use of extremely light scenes and darker ones made the viewers swift their emotions , and it was positively reviewed that there is an interesting contrast of light, soft images that depict creepy messages.
Many of them were concerned and confused , as they tried to find a sort of narrative. I consider it positive as I wanted to experiment with more poetic structures.
My editing was highly critiziced. They considered that the slow slide transicion only disrupted the attention. I realized that I didn´t manage to make a smooth, more stylish narrative, due to lack of knowledge. I may re edit the video so that I can make the transicions support the whole sense of the video.
My classmates also found unnecessary the shots of the crossed spoons on the floor. They found a direct reference to christianism, so that it was hard for them to think of any other topics but religion. As some time has passed by I realized that those shots may be unnecesary as well , and may just distract the viewers from the main purposes.